Back on the 'Net again

Finally got Internet connection via satellite at the house this week. Have not been connected at home since 2007, and lots of stuff on my computer is too old, or so say all the requests for downloading updates. Downloaded all the updates, then my computer wouldn't run!!! Deleted lots of them, started using Firefox, and here I am. But I should be back more often from now on. I live in DBF Missouri, and there isn't even any cable for TV here nor do I have a landline phone. With some of the money from my father's estate, I paid off my truck loan, so now I can afford the monthly Internet bill. Maybe I'll be able to start selling on eBay again and that way earn the Internet payment. It is 1:44 a.m., so I am going to go to bed and sleep for a while. I have been spending more time getting this Internet thing to work than doing what needs to be done around the house and yard.

Let me say that the original purpose for this blog is and has been pretty much satisfied. I have figured a lot of things out for myself. One thing that is peculiar, after my mother died, the intense wondering about what happens when we die has gone down in volume, and I rarely think about it any longer. I am certain that writing things out here has helped, but I also believe, to a degree, that I was thinking my mother's desperate thoughts, and when she died, they were no longer ethereally being transmitted to me.

No matter how nuts she was, if there is a Heaven, she is there. Her main goal was always to be like she thought Jesus wanted her to be, no matter how misled and screwed up that she really was.

I do feel a bit like a fish out of water. Everyone I wanted to share this part of my life with is dead. So now what?